The Triangle Helped Me Understand Cultural Feminism
I was having a difficult time understanding modern feminism. I clearly understood what is commonly referred to as “first wave” feminism; women’s need to gain legal equality so the law wouldn’t discriminate against them. Of course we all know the right for women to vote came from this ,but also the ability for women to write wills, own property, enter post secondary education at all levels, and the right to go into some places without men accompanying them, were all born from this first tsunami of women’s rights. No problem with any of that.
My issues had to do with the reasons my sons were giving me about not wanting to date “these women out here now.” I was offended. I’m thinking women have always been, well, women, right? What did they mean I wondered. So, I decided to go on a little research mission to see what was going on, not only with my sons, but other women’s sons as well. They were finding a dearth of women that they could…respect. Plenty of women to screw, but none to be in a serious relationship with. I thought they were exaggerating. My journey began.
I started reading, looking at Youtube, going on pro as well as anti-feminist sites and reading article after article after article, going over to the RedPill manosphere , (very insightful), and just really taking in what feminists themselves had to say. No matter where I visited, pro or con, feminism had a single thread of three ideologies running through them. I went into it open minded, determined to come up with an ability to make some semblance of coherence out of what looked like a hodgepodge of thoughts, feelings and desires for equality.
This is where my trusty triangle came into play and helped me make out what the major tenets of modern feminism turned out to be. This is what I came up with and what I came to doesn’t disagree with what feminists themselves believe. The digression is how I feel about them as opposed to feminists, and I found out why so many men as well as women are unhappy with modern feminism.
So, imagine a triangle or just draw one.
On the left angle, we’ll write ‘Sexual Agency’ or otherwise known as ‘The Double Standard’ ideology.
The main thrust, pun intended, of the ideology, is that women have been sexually repressed by Puritanical, tyrannical, patriarchal views of sexuality, including virginity, and in order for them to be liberated from this oppressive, stifling, choke-hold on their sexual expression, they must stop looking at sexuality as something to be expressed only within the confining social construct of marriage.
Seemingly, women are free to have sex with whomever, whenever, however, with as many people that they choose. Viola! Sexual equality and liberation; the caveat is that they also expect to not be shamed for it. Thus the term slut-shaming came into being as a way for women to be, well, sluts, and not have to hear about it later. The Double Standard Ideology is one that states that since men don’t get shamed for hyper sexuality, then women shouldn’t either. You know, the classic Tu Quo Que, “they do it so it’s okay for me to do it too” logical fallacy.
I was reading an article, https://www.msn.com/en-au/lifestyle/familyandrelationships/the-worst-double-standards-ive-ever-experienced-on-a-date/ar-AAGLzl5 and this by far isn’t the first one I’d read, but it does do a great job of exemplifying the struggle of The Double Standard-by women. MEN ARE NOT STRUGGLING WITH CASUAL SEX. If you want to see if I’m telling the truth, Google it. Women are finding the Double Standard Ideology not as liberating as they were told. Women are finding out that they are having lots of sex, but not a whole lot of commitment and it’s empty too.
See, in all my rovings on the internet, I have yet to come across the Youtube video with a crying man or an abundance of articles written by men bemoaning the fact that they are on the receiving end of so much sex they don’t have to do much, or practically anything for.
I looked but I couldn’t find any feminist writers or followers who did not believe in the Article of Sexual Liberation. I did find women though who, in a moment of unusual honesty and vulnerability confessed to feeling used, thrown over afterwards, like meat. Some said they weren’t even enjoying all the sex they were having, weren’t getting off, and felt obligated to go through with it for the men or in an attempt to ‘live up to’ their feminist ideals. Kerry Cohen’s book Loose Girl, is as honest an account of a woman willing to be open and exposing as I have ever seen.
When I looked at the promiscuity part closely, it seemed like the benefactors of women’s sexual liberation was men. I thought the idea was for women to be free from men’s power not to give them more. Men are not wondering if women will text or call the next day. By and large, women are still doing that.
Okay, we have angle AB, now we will get angle AC.
http://iwf.org/blog/2808104/A-Painful-Truth-About-Feminism-from-a-Woman-who-Traded-Family-for-Success. This article, again just a drop in the bucket of what’s out there, sums up pretty much what women who are brave enough to admit are feeling. When you tell a woman, from the time she is a little girl, that the greatest fulfillment she will ever have is her career and she should focus her education on getting the highest level she can to get the best career she can, you are by default telling her that family/marriage/long-term relationships/kids are not as important or not at all.
This angle is Self-Sufficiency/Financial Independece ‘I don’t need a man to take care of me.’ Article 2.
Independence.https://nymag.com/nymetro/news/features/n_9495/index.html. After I read this, I went even deeper to find more data to show that relationships are suffering as women are secretly hating that their men are not taking care of them and that, even though they put a lot into getting these high power, high paying careers, they still yearn for a more traditional relationship. Women who have built their lives on this ideology, report it’s very difficult if not impossible to respect their husbands/partners and not feel resentment at them for how Beta their partners seem.
Men are taking on the once traditional female role and staying home and being taken care of by their wives/girlfriends. Again, as women have said they want more autonomy, they are now the primary breadwinners and men are receiving the benefits, at one point in society reserved for women, of security and financial care. Feminist women are in the position now of taking on more responsibility for men. I was left with the feeling that more responsibility didn’t sound nor did it seem liberating. Again, it felt like a boon for men.
Last, the BC line.
If a woman is to focus on her education and career to the exclusion of everything else, then that leaves no time for marriage of kids, so lots of women are delaying this or opting out altogether. The ones who do marry, report more unfulfilling partnering. Equality seems ephemeral in modern relationships. ttps://slate.com/news-and-politics/2006/03/why-feminist-wives-are-unhappy.html.
In fairness men are not looking to get married as they once were either, which is another casualty of modern culture, but it’s not costing them as much as it women.
Since women are speed fucking their way through their peak sexual and fertile years, men are not complaining. They don’t have to deal with finding a marriable woman, taking care of kids, and bearing the responsibility of action and responsibility, they just gotta pick a woman up on any given night from a swipe right or a chance meeting and women have told them they are completely okay with that. Until they aren’t. So, yeah, men are dodging the marriage bullet but not the sex. Seems like a no-brainer to me.
Don’t think men are not hurting in other ways from modern feminist ideology. They are. They have responded by creating the Red Pill manosphere in a direct response to feeling invalidated and unneeded. I don’t agree with everything they say, but I gotta say 80% of their observations are spot on. Some ideas are extreme and I’m not on board with them. For example, NAWALT as sarcasm, Hypergamy as a bad thing that women can control, (which I don’t think we can), and that all women lie, just to name a few.
Saying that women are operating out of more masculine energy and have lost the art of feminity, that women are emasculating to men and don’t understand that there WILL ALWAYS BE A SEXUAL DOUBLE STANDARD (whole other article) are correct.
Once I got my triangle, I learned that all feminist thought and action could be distilled down and understood by the three tenets. Suddenly, it made perfect sense why my sons were leery of the dating market, why they saw women as untrustworthy, childish and too masculine. I have tried to be on women’s side but I don’t know how to do that right now.
There are some women who are re-adopting femininity as opposed to feminism and finding love, fulfillment and peace in living out of their natural energy. It’s small but it’s growing. I hope, for those who are finding feminism empty, that they can find their way.
There is no ‘one way’ to get to where people need to be, but getting rid of a triangle and looking at life as a series of complexities and realize that equality doesn’t exist because men and women are NOT THE SAME, which is what equal means, some women might be able to get what they are yearning for.
